This is the front door of my apartment. This is my new home. I’ve lived here now for 156 days. And this is my new welcome mat.
One of the biggest challenges I’ve had in my divorce is learning what it means to be vulnerable and what support looks like. Are there layers to vulnerability? Are there different types of support?
When I updated my blog with a post in July of this year, I was in a pretty dark place. I think it came across as mostly hopeful (and I think that was probably not entirely inaccurate) but in truth, I was struggling to find myself in this post-divorce, newly-single-and-definitely-very-awkward-and-not-ready-to-mingle phase of life. I was attempting to discern in real time what being vulnerable about my divorce was like, and what support I could expect to receive as a result.
But I was also looking to write, because writing to me has always been cathartic. It has been in years past a salve to my heart, and I was hoping it would be again. I knew it would ruffle some feathers. I knew it might even make some people angry with me (again).
This place, this apartment, this home…really hasn’t felt a lot like home to me for these 156 days. There are all kinds of little things that annoy me about this place. The shower in my bathroom has tiles that are loose in the bottom. There’s a crack in the threshold panel going from the living room to the kitchen. It’s small…oh so small compared to the house I lived in with my family for 13+ years.
But in a lot of ways, I’ve been able to find comfort here. It hasn’t been easy.
Those that know me know that I’ve found someone and it’s been the most pleasant surprise I could ever have hoped for. April is constantly a blessing to me and I am thankful for her beyond measure. But this post isn’t strictly about her, so I don’t want to get too much off topic here.
As I walked through Walmart with April this weekend, and I saw all the Christmas stuff in the aisles, things we were looking through to determine what all I would want to buy to decorate my apartment with for Christmas, I realized that I hadn’t ever bought a welcome mat.
A welcome mat is really a small thing, and many people don’t bother to put one out. But after talking with April, I decide to wander over to the Home Living section of Walmart and see what they have. I decided on this one. I like it.
April and I are having some friends over for a Christmas party next month. To this very apartment. To this home. I can’t wait to invite these people in, welcome them, and make them feel at home. I’m encouraged that after 156 days, I finally have a welcome mat.