Today, I saw you. And you saw me. We haven’t seen each other in years…probably bordering on more than 3 years since we saw each other last. And it happened so fast…I’m not even sure what I saw.
I saw you…and I must say, you look great. I can’t say I stared at you…I don’t know why but both of us seemed pretty engrossed in our phones. But the few moments I stole looking your way gave me all I needed to know about how you’re doing…you’re doing great. I’m glad you feel good and that things are going so good with you and your family.
When I turned around and saw you, my instinctive “hey” was heartfelt, and the one I got in return was as well. I wonder what would’ve happened if I had swallowed my pride and gone up to you after that…? I wonder if you would’ve been nice…or maybe merely polite.
I hurt your feelings, that much was clear when we stopped being friends more than 3 years ago. I apologized. A lot. And still it didn’t seem to matter. ‘Give me time’, you said, and so I did. It didn’t seem to change anything. Our lives as friends had diverged in a wood and we went down separate paths.
It’s okay, really. I get it. I don’t get the lack of forgiveness though. Yeah, I’ve spent a little time thinking about you these past 3 years, not a lot mind you…and only really when someone else in my life mentions you. I don’t bring you up to the people I know because it’s obvious now that you and your family are a chapter in my life and my family’s life that’s closed. For good.
But yeah, I don’t get the lack of forgiveness. God teaches us to love one another…part of loving each other is forgiving each other when we inevitably wrong someone. Forgiveness isn’t easy, Lord knows I know that. But I’m trying.
You would probably say that you are, and you may even say you have forgiven me, but maybe you’d also say that you know you don’t want me or my family in your life at all. That hurts, I won’t lie. The countless hours our families spent together over the years tell me otherwise. But if you’re in a different place in your life and don’t need me or my family in your life, that’s your choice.
I hope you have forgiven me. I hope you have. I hope there wasn’t a moment when you saw me today, when that lump jumped up in your throat and you said “Hey” when you remembered that you hadn’t forgiven me. Because I forgave you a long time ago.
And now, I’ve let you go.